Yep, still listening to nothing but the new Arcade Fire album. It's so much easier to title these posts with random lyrics than to actually come up with something relevant, otherwise they'd all be labelled "epic rant on today's theme" or some such.
Before I start the epic rant, I'd just like to share that I ate the most awesome carrot and sesame salad for dinner. I used purple carrots (ok, they're only purple on the outside, and have orange in the middle, but close enough) and my hands are stained a strange blue/grey colour from peeling and grating them. Somehow, food is so much more satisfying when it stains your hands. Beets are my favourite example of that, but purple carrots are definitely more versatile.
Ok, on to the rant. I actually raised my voice to someone today. I know, it's definitely not something I'm going to make a habit of. I've always maintained that you should never yell at adults. A disapproving or angry tone of voice definitely does a lot more for animals or small children, who might not yet understand all the necessary words of someone explaining that they've done something wrong. So for me to get angry is a pretty big deal.
In fact, it was Sd that I got angry at - I know, you're all dying of shock right now (sorry, that was a bit too sarcastic!)... but I can't stand hanging out with him and he doesn't get that he creeps me out by being too clingy. So today I was standing in the Mensa Foyer, having a chat to K, and then I went to leave to go home. And he comes running after me, to say that we have to talk sometime. And I, of course, asked why. I can't see why he would come chasing after me to tell me that we need to talk (as if I were a child) instead of just shutting up and talking to me some other time, especially because all of his friends were going into the Mensa already, but eh, whatever.
So he comes running up and I ask him what we need to talk about. And he complains that I don't want to hang out with him. Which frustrated me even more, because really, why would you be clamouring to talk to someone if they're making it completely clear that they don't want to hang out with you? So I said I didn't feel like hanging out, and I turned to leave. You'd think that that would be sufficient, no? But instead he comes following after me, in order to have a whinge about what I've just told him. Walking away clearly wasn't enough of a "leave me alone" message.
So, finally, I snapped. I said I was sick of hanging out, that I didn't enjoy his company, and that I wanted to be left alone. I turned, walked out of the building, down the stairs, and put in my ipod headphone so that I couldn't hear him. You'd think that maybe by now, he'd have taken the hint, surely. But no, he's incapable of reading the "leave me the hell alone" signal. So he follows me half way across the damn uni, finally grabbing my backpack to make me stop, which made me even angrier.
So I yelled at him. Not terribly loudly, but it was in English, and it contained a little more of the f-word than I'd care to admit to. I told him to fuck off, to leave me alone and to stop following me. (I'd told him to stop following me about 10 times by this point.) So when he didn't get the hint, I told him that he didn't have the right to come chasing after me and demanding that I speak to him when clearly I didn't want to. I was annoyed that he thought that he could control how I spent my time, because honestly, if I want to be alone then hanging around to have an argument isn't really a viable option. So I just repeated that I didn't like hanging out, that I absolutely hated that he always comes to my house when he's not invited, and that I had no respect for him after the whole conversation about how he was going to quit the German course and travel instead (on his parents' money). I also called him an idiot a few times.
So, after walking off again, and him still following me, he grabbed my arm. Which is really a bad move, honestly. It was all getting too stalker-ish by this point. I yanked my arm away as hard as I could, yelled "fuck off!" quite loudly, and finally he stopped following me. The last thing I heard before I put my earphones back in was "I don't deserve this!", which made me realise he was still completely ignorant to everything that I'd told him. But I felt like a pressure was lifted from my shoulders, even if my words had fallen on deaf ears. I walked home, brimming with anger - not only at him for not taking the hint, but at myself for getting angry. It takes an awful lot to make me show my anger. I needed a lot of tea to calm down after that.
I had a good chat with the mitbewohnerin in the kitchen, and she reassured me a lot. She knows that I've tried to be polite for a long time (probably too long) and that it takes a lotttt for me to actually show someone that I'm angry with them. She also put it down to possible cultural differences, of a guy not being used to having a woman tell him to get lost, but I'm skeptical about that one. I think it's just another case of someone seemingly normal turning into someone completely whacked. Either way, I hope he'll finally leave me alone now, and I'm pretty sure he's going away after his exam. Hope he doesn't come back - the last thing I need is a stalker, which is kinda how I've felt over the last few weeks. I can't bear people who don't know how to take a hint, and think onyl about themselves instead of reading the clear signs that someone is giving them.
So, there's my rant over and done with. Sorry about that. I figure if I'm writing a blog to document my time here then I do need to write the bad along with the good.
So, here's a list of the good:
- After 14:00 Friday, I'm on holidays!
- I made the world's best Apfelmus. Seriously.
- I'm going to Muenster on Friday to hang out with T&M&kids, and there will be a Flohmarkt and possibly swimming involved. I'm excited already!
- I'm going to Hamburg and Bremen at the end of the month.
- My carrot salad. Nom nom nom...
- I've been completely ignoring the salicylate diet, and I'm feeling pretty good. I even ate masses of zucchini and mushrooms the other day! I'm also steering away from processed foods, and perhaps that has something to do with it...
- I told my favourite stall holder at the market that her lettuces make my table look good, and she laughed.
- I have 2 spaghetti squashes, 2 butternuts and 4 hokkaido in my possession.
- I think I'm actually going to pass the German exam, even though I haven't started studying yet.
- I spoke to someone today who was surprised that I'd walk to a supermarket that's only 10 minutes from my house, instead of going to the dodgey Netto that's 5 minutes away, and it made me feel a little better about everything I stand for.
- I paid extra for fair-trade coffee and it smells amaaaazing.
- I think I'm starting to lose weight. I won't go running because it's been raining constantly, but I'm eating better, and it's good.
- My hair is a dark red colour again, instead of being a faded pink.
- I finally remembered to buy new notepaper for German class.
- I'm getting into sewing again. Sure, I'm terrible, but I told a friend that I'd send her something handmade. Loving it!
- I bought a heart-shaped cooking cutter that has a little slice taken out of it, on the side, so that you can hang your cookie from your teacup.
So, now that all of my anger has been vented, and now that I feel like my biggest problem here is solved, I'm actually feeling pretty good. :)
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