I've just had the most depressing last few moments. Aside from the fact that it's 13 degrees today (13!! It's warmer in Adelaide in Winter than here in Summer!) I just had a slightly confronting session with the bathroom mirror. My Dad has arranged for me to accompany him & Mum to the dinner for the medical conference he's attending in Berlin this week. And, of course, Mum had duly reminded me a few weeks ago that I needed to look presentable. My mother doesn't trust me with these things, you see. So today, figuring that I should decide which dress I'm taking to Berlin, and I had a calamity.
None of them fit.
It was the worst with the dress I expected to wear. I couldn't even zip it up. Which is appalling, because the fitted part is just under my boobs and I didn't even think I'd put on any weight there. (Because really, this all has to do with me being a guts and eating unhealthy food that I'd never go near at home, so it's all just gone straight onto my belly.) So I tried on the other dress, which I'd actually thought was smaller than the first. I could zip it up, with difficulty, but it just looked awful. I looked like one of those horrible British ladies who associate with the guys down at the British Army Base. In my panic, I tried the high-waisted skirt that I used to wear to work. Nope, no luck there, either. I could zip it up, but it just hitched itself up continually, which we all know is tacky and disgusting (unless we're British Army Wives).
Goddammit. I have better things to do than to buy new clothes that really I don't need, because when else am I going to wear a decent dress here? I'm finding this whole thing pretty depressing, really. It's just money that I didn't want to spend, on something I definitely didn't want to spend cash on. I have enough clothes. I guess this all comes back to me absolutely hating that I'm a different size to at home, and feeling like I've let myself down somehow. I knew that there was a bunch of my clothes that didn't fit, and that was ok, because I had others. But in situations like this, where I really don't have others, the whole situation just feels embarassing. I can't believed I'm getting so worked up over a stupid dress.
So, tomorrow after uni, I have my plans cut out for me. And maybe I should think about wasting some money on a gym membership.
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